Thoughts on Thursdays

Today I'm going to be sharing ideas from The Love Dare, a book based on the movie Fireproof. It's a 40 day challenge designed to strengthen marriages, and each day is a new "dare" to try on your spouse. As the days increase, the dares get more specific & challenging.

Dare #1 Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love-Ephesians 4:2

Thoughts on Thursdays

Hello dear friends! For this weeks Thoughts on Thursdays I have a little surprise for you....my first guest blogger! I've asked my blog friend Krysten from After I Do to share her thoughts on marriage. She married her husband Dustin a few months after I got married.

Hello all! My name is Krysten and I actually went to the same high school as Abbey (but we've never met). Small world huh? So when she asked me to do a guest spot for Thoughts on Thursdays I almost immediately had an idea for what I wanted to say. Enjoy!

Getting Away From It All
My husband, Dustin, and I often find that we get really caught up in the hustle and bustle of everything that goes on in our married life. Sometimes we don't even realize how stressed we are until we get away from it all.

We're lucky that my parents live in Northern Wisconsin and it is the perfect place to get away. We ditch our cell phones, which don't even work at my parents' house, and our computers and for a weekend we'll forget about the things that are stressing us out. We eat my mom's home cooking, go for walks with the dogs and if it's the summer we go out on the boat and spend time in the sunshine. And by the end of the weekend the stress has melted away and we feel that much closer to each other.

I've found that in marriage it's really easy to fall into the rut of working too hard, playing too hard and stressing too much. But I've always found that if you take a little time to unplug that technology and hide away you can make your marriage that much stronger.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Just be.

Sometimes you don't have to do big fancy things to show your love.

Sometimes extravagant+bigger is not always better.

Sometimes even words aren't needed.

Sometimes just being together on the couch is enough.

Sometimes {almost always for us} simpler is better.

Sometimes just a glance can spark a thousand feelings.

Sometimes it's good not to have much, so you know exactly what you aren't missing.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Today is day 7 away from my hubby, so I thought I would list a few things that I noticed I miss about him when he's away.

-I miss coming home to the smell of dinner cooking

and hearing his happy voice, waiting to greet me.
-I miss him telling me it's bedtime. I've been getting lost in a book or on my mac and I don't realize I'm tired until I finally

realize it's past 11:30. That doesn't fly when he's home =)

-I miss finding my pillow in his spot when I climb into bed at night {I get up before him in the mornings, and every morning he takes my pillow and sleeps with it until he has to get up. He swears mine is more comfortable...we have the same pillows people. It's super cute}
-I miss having the mail hand-delivered to me!
-I miss stealing his socks. It's no fun to steal when he's not home to notice ;)
-I miss having him around all the time...

I thank my God every time I remember you Philippians 1:3

Thoughts on Thursdays

Be content.

How many times a day do we wish for something we don't have, something more? I am guilty of this, probably on an hourly basis. And yet, my life is filled with blessings and I am more fulfilled than I ever dreamed I could be. I have food on my table and clothes on my back. I have a job and a car that runs. I own a home. I have an amazing family and supportive friends. I have good health. I have a marriage that thrives and a man that only has eyes for me and my happiness. I have a God that loves me. I do not go without-so why would I ever want more? I need to keep my self grounded in my marriage and continually thankful for what I do have, and not what I don't. I want to be able to satisfy my husband by showing him that together, we have everything we need. I am holding myself to my conviction and striving to be content!

Godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

Thoughts on Thursdays

Learn as you go.

We're still new to marriage and I am amazed at the things that we don't know how to do together. Do you ever feel like there's just so much stuff to know? I do. Instead of trying to figure everything out, we just go with the flow, learning together as we go. I finally learned that it's ok not to have everything together. It's good to constantly be learning something new. I feel so content knowing that I have his hand to hold and I feel safe that if I stumble as we go, he won't laugh. He'll just pick me back up and carry me until I can stand again. Cherishing our blessings extra today.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Encourage.

Last night I missed my thoughts on thursdays post because I really wanted to work on a project I have going on. I had a deadline to meet a specific goal, and hubby encouraged me to go for it. He gave me a few hours of alone time & peace and quiet to work while he stayed downstairs. Instead of complaining about it-he enouraged me because he knew it was really important in my eyes. That really meant a lot to me... and oh yeah, that deadline?.....I totally made it. =)

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."1 Thessalonians 5:11

Thoughts on Thursdays

It's in the small things.

I've really come to appreciate the small things.

I walked out of our bedroom this morning and there it was.

Mr. Man had left me a sweet little love note.

It wasn't an email. Or a text.

It was an old-fasioned post-it note,

filled with hand-written thoughtfulness.

I wish he could have seen my face light up when I discovered it.

lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Actions speak louder than words.

If there's any phrase I learned growing up that stands true the first is that talk is cheap, and the second is that actions really do speak louder than words. I find that it's so easy to use words to make promises, but they don't really amount to anything if they aren't backed up by action. In relationships I think love is a verb. It's so easy to say "I love you" to your spouse, but it takes a lot more work to show someone you love them. One of the greatest examples is the story of God loving us so much, that he sent Jesus to die for our sins. He didn't just say He loved us-he physically showed the world by sacrificing His only Son. In my opinion, love and action go hand in hand. It isn't just something we say, it's something we do. Love can diluted by empty words, but when backed up with demonstration it can be unbelievably powerful. I have to continuously challenge myself to remember this.

Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another. Honor one another above yourselves.

Thoughts on Thursdays

I am excited to share that Jay and I are being featured on Meet the Newlyweds over at the Newlyweds blog. We were sent some fun interview questions to fill out and were chosen for today's spotlight. Go check out the interview for a little more about hubby and I! Sweet Pea runs a fun blog filled with recipes/cooking challenges, Meet the Newlywed series, gardening tips, and ways to save money. Check it out!

Funny that we were chosen for today's feature {originally it was set for February but moved up}....9 years ago today we officially became a couple. Yes, hubby had the nerves to finally ask me out {took him f-o-r-e-v-e-r} on January 14th, 2001. Best decision he ever made ;) In honor of the day {I can remember it like it was yesterday!!} I am sharing some very old pictures of us through the years. Feel free to get a good ol' laugh, we're happy to supply the fuel!

This image was taken mid-snowball fight during the winter of 2001. We look like babies.

This was our senior prom picture. It was the day after my 18th birthday.

This is from junior year {I think} of college, a visit at the cabin.

This was from our senior year of college, just a few months before he proposed.

It's bizarre to think that I married my junior & senior year prom date from high school. I'm old. Love you babo!

Thoughts on Thursdays

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,

but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4

Food for thought.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Let life's experiences draw you closer together.

When shaping a vessel, potters exert equal pressure with their hands on both the outside and the inside of the clay to prevent it from collapsing. After the clay dries, it is glazed and placed in a fiery kiln. The intense heat perfects the clay by removing blemishes, strengthening it, and enhancing the paint colors. The once wet piece of clay is finally transformed into a beautiful and useful piece of pottery.

Marriage can be viewed as a similar work in progress. Like the clay, you and your spouse will constantly face various pressures from life-job changes, financial stress, parenting responsibilities, and the list goes on. To prevent your marriage from collapsing, you must respond to any external pressure with the internal pressure of a powerful relationship with the living God. Just as clay is fired in a kiln, so will your marriage go through periods of intense heat. Remember that God is using these times to remove imperfections in your relationship and make it stronger and more beautiful. Face the difficult times together, and let Him mold and perfect your marriage, lifting you to higher levels of intimacy with each other. From the book Married for Life.

O Lord you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8

Thoughts on Thursdays

My husband is crazy in bed.

Literally.

The title caught your eye didn't it? ;) before you go too far-what I mean by that is the way he sleeps. This is one quirk that is definetly hard for me to live with. The man sleeps with no sheets! yes, ew, my darling husband. I cannot stand it. Apparently he says that he never slept with sheets growing up {clearly his memory is bad} and to this day I wake up with all the sheets bunched up around my feet. Ok. {deep breaths} if you know me, you know one of my biggest pet peeves is a messy bed. I like my bed extremely clean, tidy, and made. I wash the sheets at least once a week, sometimes more. I can't sleep if the sheets are not straight and feel tucked in {I hate when they inch up and your toes pop out and can touch your comforter}. It drives me bonkers if the sheets are twisted, bunched, etc. and I will have to get out of bed and re-make/tuck the sheets back in so I can sleep. He says the sheets make him hot. I tell him that the name refers to the thickness of a product, how can a "sheet" of anything make you hot? It's like paper thin! I ask him to simply fold back the comforter/sheet if he gets hot instead of kicking the sheet under the blanket my way in the night. He had a water bed growing up that had a fitted sheet and then he slept with a blanket {cringe}. Oh the joys of marriage!! hehe. I joke that his New Years Resolution is to become a better sheet sleeper =)

Thoughts on Thursdays

Happy Thanksgiving!!! I wasn't around my computer very much this weekend, and especially not on Turkey day so thoughts on thursdays had to wait =) Since we just gave thanks for all the wonderful blessings in our life I'm just going to share a few reasons I'm thankful for my husband.

Because of Jay:

-I've never had to get my oil changed, car fixed, or been anywhere near a repair shop. Sometimes I don't even have to get gas!

-I've never had to figure out computer problems or go too long without a technical solution.

-I've never felt insecure in our relationship.

-I've never mowed a lawn.

-I've never felt alone in my Vikings obsession ;)

-I've never gone without.

-I've never gone a day without sharing a smile and a laugh.

-I've never taken out the trash on Sunday night.

-I've never started up the grill/grilled for a delicious bar-b-que.

-I've never gone a day without feeling like the luckiest girl in the world.

Just a few thoughts that I was thankful for this weekend =) Hope your holiday was blessed.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Put a little effort in.

I'm preachin' to myself here folks...so don't take offense =) The other night Jay worked really hard and made us a fabulous dinner while I relaxed + unwound after a stressful day. After we were done eating he wanted to head to the gym and work out together. After my long, stressful day that was the last thing I wanted to do, and the first thing that came to mind was "no"....but I caught myself and thought that after all he had done for me to make my night stress-free, the least I could do was put a little effort in and go workout with him. Turns out I really needed to workout to relieve my stress! There are also little things that I know make a difference to him, like dressing up for dates or wearing a cute outfit I know he likes. I know what you are all thinking-we've only been married a year, gag me with the effort...the honeymoon phase ends. I know that we've only been married a year, but we've been dating nearly 10...and trust me, it takes work and effort in our relationship to keep the romance. But even after 10 years, I still get butterflies when getting ready for a date, or when he calls and says he is picking me up, or when I am curling my hair and he walks past the bathroom door and says "lookin good baby!" Those are the moments + feelings where I know every effort I put in is soooo worth it and I need to remember that.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Last week we received the sweetest compliment.

It's Thursday + I'm tired so this is all you're getting for TOT =)

I know, creative right? hah.

Jay and I attended every one of my sister's soccer games this year,

with the exception of one re-scheduled rained out game. we are superfans.

One of Aly's teammates Mom's took my Mom aside the other night.

For 10 straight minutes she complimented our relationship.

She said she's watched us all season and was really touched.

By our relationship and the people we are, together and towards others.

She said sometimes we would smile + talk to her without knowing her and it made her night.

I almost teared up hearing the story. What a sweet lady.

We were really flattered, because that's really something coming from

someone we don't know-an outside view of our relationship, an unbiased opinion.

It really taught us that how you interact as a couple can make an impact on others.

It encouraged me to reach out to people we don't know + always be kind.

Everyone is fighting a tougher battle, and sometimes they can use a smile

or a friendly conversation, even if you talk about nothing.

My favorite part was when she said we were an incredible couple that

look so happy together + will be married forever.

I don't know why I was surprised to hear that-because she's dead on.

I guess it's because she took the time to really see us as we are,

and I love that we gave her that impression.

be kind to all. you impact more people than you think.

Thoughts on Thursdays

I know it's late but it's still Thursday =)

Here are my thoughts on marriage today.

Sometimes it's ok to shut the world out.

It's nice to take time away from the hustle+bustle and just be alone once in awhile.

people give me a hard time when i don't answer my phone at night.

i rarely ever do. it's not you.

there's a reason+ method to my madness. when i'm home i want to be "there"

and spend time with my husband. i don't want to spend it on the phone.

in fact most days i wish i didn't even have a cell phone.

i'm very old-fashioned in the way that i like face to face contact.

amidst the busy-ness of our lives we find it amazing to turn off our phones,

grab a bottle of wine and lay on the floor and watch a movie together.

we love to hibernate.

It's ok to shut the world out.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Work before play.

This one is really tough for me. Jay and I are opposite in this way. I am the free-spirit, fun-loving "we'll get to it later" spouse. Jay is the organized, neat & tidy spouse. I usually let chores go until they really start to bother me. I won't do laundry until I don't have socks left, or deep clean the house until it's a mess or we are having friends over. I think mostly this is because I work so much that when I'm home I want to be doing something fun with my husband and not doing housework. It drives my husband nuts when the house is messy and chores are left undone. He likes everything to be just so and is a very good cleaner & hard-worker. It took me awhile to figure him out and understand that responsibilites come before pleasure, and that this is very important. I need to get the chores done so Jay can have fun, because leaving them undone only heightens stress. He's not extreme-if there is clutter here and there around the house he'll let it go for awhile, but I can always tell he is making a conscious effort to be patient with me. I really need to brush up on my wife & home maker skills. We've found ourselves eating out frequently because we are tired, we don't have time to go to the grocery store, or we just want to get out of the house together. I know he would prefer to stay at home with a home cooked meal but sometimes it's. just. so. tough. And it's fun to get out together and enjoy a good meal together. We've been saving a lot of money too from not buying groceries. Anyways, I am making a vow that I will cook for him more next week, and I will check back in to let you know how it's going. I found a bunch of yummy recipes today that I am looking forward to trying!

Put responsibilites before pleasure.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Don't let anyone meddle.

I love that we have the first & last-final say in everything we do. For so long when we were young, we had to keep in mind what our parents wanted. It was really strange to move in together and really make our own decisions on everything. Our parents had one request of us-that we not live together before we married. Not a problem for us, neither of us wanted to. But living with your parents still puts certain restrictions and rules on your relationship no matter what. So the day we married was a very freeing feeling. Our first few weeks at home were like one big sleepover where your best friend never leaves. It was awesome.

Anyways, we have really learned how nice it is not to have (or let) our parents meddle in our relationship. My parents and my in-laws are both fantastic that way. I'm so relieved that there is absolutely no fighting over who will spend holidays with who, arguments over not spending enough time with one or the other, or even just everyday business. They have allowed us to be our own couple and support everything that we do. We've never had any issues with having to defend our own families or take sides. It's awesome. Not that they "meddled" when we were younger, they rightfully had a say in the matter, but they were still great. I talked with a friend yesterday that has very smoothering in laws & both sets of parents that demand time spent with them. She is also put in a position (quite often) where her husband is stuck between sticking up for his wife & sticking up for his mother. I totally feel for her-what a frusterating situation.

We decided early on that we would not let others run our relationship. It takes hard work to shape that kind of relationship, because you don't want to step on families toes. We are always on each other's side and don't allow situations to arise where we would have to choose sides between our family or our spouse. We never leave each other's side if a family argument arises (which is rare) and are a united front. We choose where we want to spend holidays without guilt. It helps that I have a husband who sometimes talks to (or texts!) my Mom more than I do on a daily basis. We are both so blessed that we have supportive families!

Don't let anyone turn you against each other.

Thoughts on Thursdays

Admit when you're wrong.

So simple but so challenging for me. I'll be the first to admit that I'm stubborn. I get it from my Papa. In the moment when an issue arrises it's so easy to point the finger at someone else. My hubby is really even-keeled and good at looking at situations rationally. I am the opposite, when I get fired up it's hard for me to think rationally because I'm usually caught up in emotion. We find that most arguments that don't dissolve on their own are due to some kind of pointing the blame instead of owning up to our own actions or admitting we were wrong. Sometimes I need to take a few seconds to think about it, because usually when I'm upset I automatically think I am right because I want to be right. If I look back at some arguments after the fact it's actually funny to hear the points I was trying to argue =) we usually end up laughing about it. We don't argue much but when we do I'm the feisty one. I bet not many of you knew that about me! I've gotten a lot better just by living with my husband. I admire him in so many ways. I wish I was more like him!

Own up to your actions & move on.