Be an i n d i v i d u a l.
It's easy for individuality to get lost in marriage. Grow together as a couple but don't lose yourself as an individual. As we began planning our wedding, people would comment on the difficulites of marriage & the level of maturity and knowledge needed to succeed. We got looks all across the spectrum from horror to sympathy to naivety when people found out we were only 21. We would just grin at each other, smile politely & nod.
Now here we are, almost 3 years later. We survived the 4 years apart, both graduated with Bachelor's degree (one of us almost has our Master's!!), got married, bought a brand new home on our own & moved across town. We've been through a LOT of major change & big experiences in those 3 years, let alone the years of dating that led up to the proposal. Our relationship has prospered immensely. The only reason (besides God's good grace) that we have made it through so much is because we've kept sight of ourselves and grew as individuals as we grew together as a couple. And we embraced each other's independence & change. I sometimes (inappropriatly) scowl when I hear couples that say they could never live without each each. I am fully confident that Jay & I could survive alone, but neither of us want or need to do so. We hang out alone & we do things together. We have our own interests & yet we share some. I like things that he can't stand, & vice versa but we embrace that. We disagree on many topics & have our own opinions. How boring would we be if we were always "one person" with one voice and the same thought? Don't get me wrong, I think there are many things that you need to do together to function as a couple, and being a team is very important to a healthy extent. So much that we read about love is about being selfless, and I think that has validity. But I think you need to love & respect yourself first before you can fully love, take care of & grow with another.
{young} love can flourish if you embrace the individuality & change in your partner.
Check out Amber's blog, she participates in Thoughts on Thursdays with me =)
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2 comments:
I don't know if you were aware but I was married once before at the age of 19! We were married for 6 1/2 years before Mark passed away. In many ways I see that marriage as easier because we gowed and learned together instead of coming in with our own idea of how things 'need to work.'
Don't get me wrong I love where I'm at. I'm one very blessed girl. I just wanted to let you know that.
I did know that. I totally agree. My husband and I met at 14 and started dating at age 15 & we have such a solid foundation together before we were married that as a married couple we thrive together. We are on the same page with most things because we grew up together, & we continued loving each other as we grew individually & changed.
I think your story is so touching ! By the way I have been praying for you & I am anxious to hear your test results.
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